Get Kinky

I am writing to you as a Texan and as a voter. As such, I offer my congratulations to all of you for campaigns well run and political careers that have brought all of you to within shouting distance of the state’s highest office. Each one of you has much to be proud of. That said, polls close less than 24 hours from now, and it’s time for all of us who care about Texas do what’s best for its future. It is my hope that, after reading this letter, you will drop out of the 2006 gubernatorial race and join millions of Texans from across the political spectrum in casting your vote for Kinky Friedman.

It has been my privilege (55%) and my pleasure (45%) over the past few months to work with a talented (45%) and scarily committed (55%) army of volunteers and comically underpaid staffers in support of Kinky Friedman’s bid for the Governor’s mansion. I make no exaggeration in saying the following: these Kinky supporters have renewed and redirected my faith in politics, particularly Texas politics, in a way I would have told you was impossible a year ago. It is my belief that much the same is the case for disaffected voters statewide, that Kinky Friedman’s campaign has awakened something in the people of Texas: the kind of politics y’all practice has long since given up on awakening.

In a political climate too often characterized by divisive rhetoric, Kinky’s campaign has knocked down partisan barriers and wreaked unholy havoc upon conventional wisdom that defines Texas politics as an ugly, unattractive beast best left to the pathologically insincere and the criminally well-funded. For too long, we – and by “we” I mean “you” – have waged elections in entirely the wrong way, crafting messages for a given “base” and hoping that your small, unrepresentative sample of the population shows up in greater numbers than the other guy’s small, unrepresentative sample. A Kinky Friedman victory would entirely demolish the myth that this is the way to run for office. Imagine how much time y’all could save on micro-targeting and pollstering if your campaigns focused on all Texans, not just a small, pre-identified corner of an increasingly unhappy populace. Seriously, imagine it.

Obviously these polls are not scientific. But neither is Raspberry Fudge Pecan Taste Explosion. My point: both this poll and ice cream are delicious.

More straws are out and that means this week’s tally is in at Beth Marie’s Old-Fashioned Ice Cream and Soda Fountain on the Square.

Beth Marie’s Old-Fashioned Ice Cream and Soda Fountain is inviting customers to cast their votes in a straw poll for their favorite gubernatorial candidate. Kinky Friedman on Monday held the lead by 50 votes.

Independent gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman has a 50-straw lead over Democrat Chris Bell, who himself is 10 up on independent Carole Keeton Strayhorn. Incumbent Gov. Rick Perry is bringing up the rear with just 107 straws out of his 250-count box.

At the end of the night, you dance with the person who brought you to the dance. Even at a time of unparalleled mudslinging in Texas politics, this is one rule of etiquette virtually every politician follows.

This is why it makes sense that Rick Perry and Chris Bell and Carol Strayhorn have spent much of the campaign bickering over whose financial backers are more detestable. Is it more dangerous to have one trial lawyer backing a candidate, as is the case with Chris Bell, or a whole platoon of them? Who’s worse, ethically speaking, the guy who’s major investors are profiting from the Trans-Texas corridor he helped implement, or the guy whose entire candidacy is predicated on big money from one source?

The answer, of course, is that we shouldn’t have to choose between these sort of candidates and these sort of backers. We don’t want any special interests purchasing our leaders – the idea that our major party candidates (and Grandma) think we should vote for them because the other guy’s buyers are worse is laughable. When Chris Bell (correctly) calls Rick Perry a hypocrite for attacking the man propping up the Bell campaign, he ignores the fact that Rick Perry can be hypocrite without Chris Bell being much better.

Kinky Friedman’s the only candidate in this race who’s drawn the vast majority of his support from average citizens. And he’s the only candidate, once the election’s over and he’s elected Governor, who’ll be loyal to those citizens come dancin’ time.

A recent article on MSNBC talks about the latest craze in big party campaigning: lying your goddamn head off.

Each side is now pinpointing its most “desirable” voters using demographic, attitudinal and consumer data. The process is called “micro-targeting” and involves feeding defined voter groups specially tailored messages, and then dragging or driving them, if need be, to their polling places on Nov. 7, Election Day.

The idea, then, is to remove even the slightest possibility of statesmanship from the political process. Under “micro-targeting”, a candidate has zero incentive to bring groups together, to create a unified voter base that supports what you stand for as a politician. There’s no reason to take the case to the “people” at all, provided you can buy enough information about your constituents.

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